


Hook, Line and Sinker

by nenuphar



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 15:30:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nenuphar/pseuds/nenuphar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ohno is on a boat. He calls a sex hotline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hook, Line and Sinker

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Arashi Anon meme on livejournal.

Nino liked to say that the only things Ohno needed to relax were the three f: food, fish and fucking. (Not necessarily in that order.) And whenever Ohno went out with the Captain he could take care of two f at least. He'd catch some fish and eat it later. That was the plan. And today it effin failed. There was no wind at all, the sea was completely silent and his fishing rod hadn't moved in hours. The Captain had just shrugged and gone to sleep on the other side of the boat. But Ohno had just stayed were he was, with his shoulders tense and his eyes locked on the water, searching and praying for any movement, anything to take his mind off his busy life for one lonely afternoon. It didn't happen.

Three f...the only food on board were stale crackers and the fish were practically mocking him at this point. The only thing left would be fucking but even if he'd been single, he surely wouldn't have gone for the Captain in all his 400 pound greasy glory. The man was a friend but he was certainly no looker.

After another hour of absolutely nothing. Ohno pulled out his phone. Weeks ago, Aiba had given him this number between many giggles and much unexplained gesturing. He had never gotten around to deleting it and now it might just be the only thing left to do. Ohno hadn't had the final f in a long time and if he couldn't relax his mind, he could at least try to relax certain other parts of his existence. With a resigned sigh and one hand ready at his fly, Ohno clicked the call button.

 

_"Hello and welcome to Joanna's Entertainment, the number one hotline for your erotic pleasure. There is no kink unknown and no fantasy left unexplored..."_

"Uh, hi. Uhm."

_"...to enhance your listening experience, please choose which pleasure cove you'd like to explore."_

"I uh..."

_"Press one if you want a sexy nurse to assist in a thorough examination of your anal cavities."_

God no.

_"Press two if you want to show our wild lioness the pleasures of bestiality."_

Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea.

_"Press three if you want to help a struggling student with her cunni-lingus classes."_

"What?"

_"Press four if you want to challenge our resident amazon to a game of dominance."_

Interesting. He'd remember that for another time.

_"Press five if you want to listen in when we pull out all the stops in our erotic asphyxiation."_

He'd have to ask Sho what that even meant. Though, maybe he shouldn't mention any of this to Sho. At all. Ever.

_"Press six if you want to impress our sailor with your fishing rod. Press..."_

**6  
** 6  
6 

"Hello?"

-"Hello?"

"Oh. Hi. Uhm...hello there."

-"Hi."

"So uhm welcome aboard the Enterprise, Captain. There is a Borg ready to be examined by you."

-"What?"

"A Klingon?"

-"Is this the fishing section?"

"No. This is "Star Trek Stud Fantasies". 666? Did you not want that?"

-"Oh...I pressed the button too much, I guess."

"No worries, I connect you to Keiko." 

Beep. Beepbeepbeep.

"Hello sailor."

-"Hi! Uhm...are you the fishing one?"

"Oh no, sailor. I am the fish. And I hope your rod is ready."

Ohno's hand began to inch closer to his fly.

\- "I am ready."

"Then how about we extend your rod to full length so that you can throw out your hook and see if it catches something. But hurry...I am wet already."

-"What are you wearing?"

"Silly. I am wearing nothing but the sea. If you pull me out, I'll be all yours. Push me over the railing and have your way with me. But careful! It's a slippery adventure."

His hand slipped under his boxers. "Tell me more about the railing part."

"Oh sailor...you know how it is when you reel a woman in. They struggle to the left and the right, the leap up and down. Do you feel me moving?"

Ohno's hands followed her directions. "Y-yes."

"Especially when the waves are like this, you know. Bouncing up and down, taking the whole ship with them. And we're all just going up and down...you, me and both of us together..."

Closer, he was closer now and his eyes were closed. "Yes."

"You know what you need to do to tame me? There is a secret spot beneath the surface. You have to dive for the pearl, sailor."

His pants were pooling around his ankles and his breath hitched. "More." He whispered. Close, so close.

"Actually, it's a magic pearl...if you rub it, I'll grant you a wish."

It was enough. With a final frustrated jerk of his hips, Ohno came against the deck. The phone dropped somewhere on the ground and for a few moments Ohno just breathed. When he was done, he picked up the phone again. The line was still open.

 _"Thanks for calling Joanna's Entertainment. We hope you enjoyed our service and recommend us. This session will be appear on your telephone bill as nautical emergency service."_ Click.

Ohno sighed. Then he furrowed his brows. He wondered which number Aiba had pressed.


End file.
